Lessons Learned Working in Church
It’s weird how we can be years removed from something and one conversation takes us back. A girlfriend of mine was recently let go from her job at a church. I left my full-time career in church work nearly 5 years ago now and to be honest it feels like a lifetime ago. As I’ve grieved, hurt, and felt anger with my friend in her situation it’s really brought back some of my own experiences. While I think I’ve given great honor to the best parts and been candid and honest that it had some dark moments it’s not something I’ve ever written about publicly, until now. So here’s what I learned:
Sin is ugliest on Christians. I can sum up so many of the hardest moments of my time working in a church by saying that we expect more from Pastors, Christians, and church workers. We do. And honestly, we should. But they’re sinners like everyone else it just looks worse on them. Some of my deepest hurts and worst betrayals have been at the hands of Christians and I have wanted to scream: but you know better. They know better and I expect better. The truth is this also means: my sin is ugliest too.
Let me confess here for a minute that I have a lot of grace for the lost. I do. The Lord has given me a soft heart and compassion for broken and lost people. Where I struggle sometimes is to give the same grace to believers. Know better, do better - amiright? But grace is for all people, most of all me.
We must know and seek truth. Perhaps one of my toughest times employed at church came in a meeting where I was accused of doing something wrong. I sat through the explanation of the accusation. I remember doing that poor listening thing where you’re already preparing your response. At the end, however, I wasn’t asked any questions. Not if it was true. Not my side of the story. Not even for a comment. I got up and I left. Later as I recalled the conversation to one of my closest confidants they said: why didn’t you speak up? I responded: it was clear no one wanted the truth, they just wanted to place blame.
It is dangerous not to want the truth, friends. The truth is that there is one way to heaven. One. The truth is that there is right and there is wrong. There’s far less grey area than people want to believe. Proverbs 12:22 says that the Lord detests lying but that he delights in people who are trustworthy. We are supposed to seek truth and we are supposed to speak truth. Sounds simple but it is weirdly hard, even in church. In my career over the last 5 years I have reminded myself many, many times: seek the truth. If I’m worried I may be bias towards a side, I pray for discernment because I want to always be someone who seeks and speaks truth.
People need breadcrumbs. Ever watched a Christian walk away from their faith? It’s hard. Some leave for a season, some forever, while others of us had a period of ‘lukewarm-while-I-figure-this-out’. I had a lukewarm season of questioning in my younger days and while I wish that weren’t true there’s a part of me that feels grateful too. My own experience gives me so much empathy for others. I wholeheartedly believe in the value of leaving room for people to come home. So often as Christians we are quick to judge or we don’t like dealing with uncomfortable situations. I don’t like awkward either y’all, but when I hear of people ‘messing up’ or going through a tough time I reach out. Not about what I’ve heard specifically but to remind them: hey I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. You can leave, you can come back or we can walk this awkward journey together. Most Christians at some point have or will walk through a season of questioning and man is it important to know our people are with us, for us, and waiting to celebrate our return.
Burnout is real. Why does burnout happen in the church? I’m a Retention Manager with a blog you guys, I don’t have all the answers. If I’m taking my best guess though I’d say the toughest part about ministry as both your career and the shared calling of all Christians is this: we buy into the ‘ministry never stops’ mentality. Ministry may not stop but sabbath is real. We are called to rest. We are called to minister to our families. We are called to keep our own cups full. So one thing I learned while working at a church is that you better find a balance. Empty cups don’t do anyone, any good. When I let mine get empty all I have left to give people is more of me, not Jesus. I’ll let you imagine how well that works.
You can’t die on every mountain. I start every new job determined that my work and my presence will make a place better. I want to be a light. I want to bring fun. I want to unite people and make them feel seen, valued, important. I imagine that’s how I made my way into my current role (Retention Manager of an automotive group). Working in church though is where I first learned this valuable lesson: you can’t die on every mountain. You will not win every battle and you better choose which ones you won’t forfeit carefully. I have really strong beliefs and as an enneagram 8 I’m nothing if not fair. I believe that all rules apply to all people or no people. I treat the owner of a company and the janitor the same. I will hug you, laugh with you, bake you a birthday cake, and cry with you no matter who you are and what you bring to the table. It is who I am. I am passionate about fairness and justice. That being said, I had to learn that I could not lose my mind every time I believed something wasn’t being handled right. Man did I want too. With age I’ve learned there are usually details you don’t know, things going on behind the scenes, and honestly - I may think I’m right and not be. So I learned then and to this day still do ask myself when I see something that feels wrong: am I willing to die on this mountain? It’s made it easier to win the ones I most believe in and to live with the rest in peace.
Know the word. One of my greatest disappointments about church (not just one, the church in general) is that too few Christians know the word. Now I will tell you this - I’ve read the bible more than 15 times now and to this day I’m slightly ashamed of how little I really know. As I claim that my faith is #1 in my life it feels like knowing the word should be of greater priority and I have work left to do. When I worked in the church world I was surprised (not in a good way) at how little even Pastors/church staff sometimes know or work to know scripture. This is VITAL.
I’ll give you an example. I was in a debate with a Pastor once who tried to shut me down by saying: you just have to trust that Pastors have the gift of discernment. I was quick to respond that is biblically untrue (read: 1 Corinthians 12). First off, not all pastors do have the gift of discernment and plenty of Holy Spirit having non-pastors do. So no, I do not trust that. This is also a great example of why we each need to know the truth for ourselves. You shouldn’t be getting your knowledge of the bible from other people, you should be reading it for yourself. All Christians need Jesus and all of us are better for knowing His word.
As previously mentioned I’ve been back in the ‘secular’ workforce for nearly five years now. Are there things I miss about ministry as a job? Yes. Definitely yes. I knew early on though that the Lord was preparing to send me back out. I used my time of preparation as such. The Lord has honored that prep despite some difficult moments. Do I believe I’m where the Lord wants me for this season? I do. I’m both fulfilled and challenged in new and different ways. Is ministry happening here? Yes. 100 times yes. Most of all I’d like to say that had I not taken what I learned from each job before this one, I wouldn’t be who I am today and I wouldn’t lead and love the way I do. For that I’m eternally grateful. Growth and spiritual maturity are a constant effort for me and I’m the first to say there have been rich seasons and dry seasons but these lessons have propelled me forward through both.
