To All My Single Ladies
People asked me a lot once I hit my 30s if I thought I’d stay single or get married. I always said the same thing: I’d rather be alone than with the wrong person but if the right one comes, I’ll be ready. I spent my 20s and the first half of my 30s worrying about BEING the right person, not finding him. I won’t pretend to be an expert on marriage a month in but what I can speak to with some life behind it is being single. Not only did I make the most of my single years but I really enjoyed them. I traveled. I built rich, deep friendships. I worked hard to build a career I’m proud of while also maintaining a life outside of work. I bought a home. I got out of debt. I wrote, read, learned, grew, saved, spent, explored, and I’m so much better for all of it. In a sweet, sappy way I wish all the time I’d met Blake sooner because my life is so much better with him in it but I also know I’m better for him because of that time I spent working on myself.
So here’s a few thoughts from the other side:
The right one is 100% worth the wait. And I mean ‘the wait’ in every way. Being a Christian in the dating pool in this day is hard. It’s easy to get discouraged. It takes a toll on your self esteem. And it feels like it would be impossible to find someone who will love you, wait for you, and also know and seek Jesus. I wish I could say you’ll all find it if you work at it but the truth is, I’m not sure about that. What I AM sure about is - if you can’t find that, being single is the better choice.
Don’t waste your time. This could apply to a lot of areas but lets start with: don’t waste your single time. Run hard after your goals, your dreams, and becoming the person you want to be. I have no regrets about how I spent my single time and I’m so grateful to be able to say that. Blake asked me the other day if I thought I could have saved even more money than I did when I was single. I quickly said, yes, of course. But I wouldn’t. I have lived generously, loved fully, and I have been all over the world chasing things I’m passionate about and showing up for my people. I would do it all again.
Don’t waste your time p2. I’m just going to say it: don’t date people you know you shouldn’t end up with. I’ve watched A LOT of my friends make this mistake. Dating to kill time, or hoping they change, or because going without a date to events is nobodies favorite. Don’t do it. If you know in your heart (or gut) they’re not the right one - move on.
Make no decisions out of fear. I once wrote this exact saying across a board in my house to remind myself that fear isn’t the right way to decide things. I never compromised who I dated or how I dated them because I was afraid to lose them or afraid of being alone. This didn’t always end happily for me but it lead me (eventually) to the right person. This one is so much easier to write than to do but fight hard against fear my friends. Fear is a liar.
Work on yourself now. Listen, I’m a mess as a wife somedays and I’ll be the first to say it (Blake could probably be the second ha ha). I’m a nagger. I hate getting out of routine. I overcommit like crazy. Arguably I have too many friends, jobs, appointments, and goals. I’m kind of exhausting to be with somedays I’m SURE. But what I will say is this: I didn’t wait for Blake to start working on my mess. I learned how to manage money, how to cook, how to run a household, how to invest, how to do small jobs around the house, etc. I worked on myself spiritually, emotionally, physically, relationally, etc in my single years and I’m slightly less messy as a result.
I could probably write a 10 part series on this but I’ll end it here because it’s a solid foundation. My best advice is don’t waste any season. Single, married, with kids, without, work seasons, unemployed seasons - they all have so much value. Live them well.
